Let’s threaten the children

OK, so now the government is happy to threaten our children with death for eating cake or playing on a console. Mine are clearly Dead People Walking, as I am pretty certain I have occasionally allowed a sugary crumb past their rosy lips and even spent an hour or two enjoying Granny’s Garden with them when they were younger (not to mention more recent games…in fact, definitely best not to mention some of those due to the irresponsible driving encouraged).

The latest government healthy eating promotion not only scares impressionable children (and presumably parents) but makes itself so ridiculous that any positive message will be lost in subsequent side-splitting guffaws from those of us not especially terrified of the occasional spot of R&R. Not that there are many positive or credible messages in the campaign as a whole, according to one who knows better than me: JunkFoodScience.

If I was African, Alexander McCall Smith would refer to me as "traditionally built"; as I am English, it appears anyone can address me in less charming terms and blame me for any imperfection I exhibit due to my non-size-zero status. I am pretty sure it will soon be demonstrated in the red top papers that hob-nobs are responsible for global warming, and that we would have peace in the Middle East if not for politicians snacking on doughnuts.

Right, I’m off to eat some chocolate, but in a revolutionary and subversive way. It’s much more fun that way.

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