My Green Foot

When I was seven, my parents took me to Canada to visit my aunt and uncle. Fortunately they let us stay for more than just tea, and we had a wonderful three weeks. I learned to speak Canadian, and call Autumn “Fall” and pavements “sidewalks” and all kinds of crazy things. It was a huge learning experience.

The most wonderful thing I learned about though was someone we didn’t know in England in the 1960s. He was large and friendly and on TV all the time, with his merry laughter and exotic cuisine. England in the 1960s was a very different world. In bohemian Ste Anne de Bellevue I discovered sweet corn and the Jolly Green Giant. It was an Epiphany.

I was very taken with the JGG, and terribly sad to find out you couldn’t get his sweet corn back home. Nor could you get root beer. Exotic cuisine indeed! I don’t think I have ever had root beer since I last went to Canada in 1981. In my curmudgeonly old age I suspect this may be a blessing.

Anyway, my aunt and uncle were wise and compassionate people and they realised I was pining for Jollity of the Green variety. That Christmas I received the most marvellous gift – a Jolly Green Giant Footprint Bedside Rug! That rug, my friends, has been beside my bed, welcoming my bare feet on a daily basis since 1969. It is a little more worn and stressed than it used to be, as are so many of us. Over the years the strenuous effort of caressing my tired toes caused poor JGG to lose his own toes. The middle three quite parted company from the main foot and just hung about pretending they were still connected, like forlorn puppies.

Have I mentioned before how much I adore my Sigoth? I’m sure I have. The Jolly Green Giant Footprint Redside rug is an item he despises with a passion. It is his one weakness as far as I am concerned – well, that and not drinking tea or eating dried fruit. Really, I’m a martyr to his strangenesses. It’s a wonder the Offspringses were not taken away at birth by Social Services. Anyway, he hates my poor foot.

Here’s the best bit. This weekend he took that foot and its sad, detached toes and sewed them all back on, and washed the rug and cleaned it up, and got some backing material to give it added strength. Once the backing is put on my beautiful Jolly Green Giant Footprint Bedside Rug will be restored to its rightful place and my toes will once again know the luxury of its gentle welcome every morning and evening. And Sigoth will still despise it but nothing in this Vale of Tears is entirely perfect.

The world will turn upon its axis and the universe will unfold in its allotted time. No further disturbance or disruption will trouble its being. I thought you might like to know and be reassured.


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