Can I still do it? Write a blog post? I wasn’t sure before today and I had got to the stage where I didn’t feel able to. I had meandered past Too-Busy, cantered over Too-Tired and ended up at Too-Difficult which, as some of you may know, is on the borders of Deep Despair.
It can feel a long way back from there, but I dragged myself to this point Here, now, this page. It has taken me several days to finish it, and frankly I don’t know it was worth it as I read it back. I merely hope to unjam a blocked channel of communication, rather than win a Nobel Prize for being brilliant.
Nothing, as in no one thing, has been wrong. I just didn’t want to write anything, and that’s OK. Until the day I did want to write something and found myself in a very strange country indeed. Still, that was then and it seems this is now, and my fingers make increasingly confident contact with the keyboard, from stuttering to staccato in only 96 hours or so..
It has been a strange experience. I have always found that writing was soothing to my soul and yet lately, it has seemed a chore. Words have been coming less easily as I experiment with new activities that involve hands and eyes but not so much speech and reading (not in English anyway!). I feel different and it’s quite disorienting.
Hopefully EBL 2.0 will turn out to be reasonably interesting anyway. I don’t want to spend my time being bored by some old biddy who knits and cackles to herself. I was hoping that might wait another decade or three, if I’m honest. I’m all for cackling and knitting in their right time and place, and getting some practice in has been welcome. I just don’t want to do only that.
I’m assuming this is Grief having a bit of a giggle at my expense. Go on, then. I don’t mind. Everyone needs a laugh, and certainly I am no stranger to providing it for friends and colleagues. I don’t work in IT for nothing you know. Almost 30 years the laughing-stock, woman and girl. There are jokes, you know, and probably a web-site. We’re an easy target because IT is ridiculous and we become so by association. That and the speaking Martian thing.
Changes have certainly been afoot in EBL Towers, thanks for asking. Building work. Decorating. Garden improvements. Turf and fireplace removals. New fireplace, new flowers, new paint and an almost new chimney. It turned out the cracks in the plaster were due to the fact the chimney was being held up by a 200 year old piece of wood wedged in where some stone had been removed. The Ancestors were Bodgers too, it seems.
And I have been having some fun as well. Courses. Events. Translations. Dressing up. Eating, drinking and being quite merry. Knitting. Embroidering. Meditation. Quakerly volunteering. Making soup. Calligraphy. And work, of course, always work, for which I am both grateful and resentful.
Now here I am again, with no expectation about keeping a regular blogging habit like I used to. We shall see, my dears, we shall see.
Anyway, more importantly, how are you all? You have been in my mind if not my blogspace. Let me know before you go.
And as they are alleged to say in Ireland:
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
May the rain fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of her hand.